Who let me adult? AKA The story of my big fat bloody shower

I’m so happy there are no cameras in my home. My life is insane at times.

Im done adultingAfter a headache yesterday and this morning, I finally felt well enough to take a warm shower.
While conditioning my hair, I was shaving my legs. I snipped the back of my ankle a little, but you would think I hit a flipping geyser. Forgetting I had conditioner in my hair, I stepped back a little to rinse off my ankle. The water from the shower made the conditioner run into my eyes. You would think conditioner isn’t supposed to burn, you would be wrong.

As I’m trying to get all the conditioner rinsed out of my eyes and mostly out of my hair, I’m trying to reach for a towel without getting blood from my ankle all over the floor. In the process of doing this, I lift my foot out to step out, but for a reason only known to Murphy, I banged my toe onto the side of the tub. I yelp, grabbing my toe, almost fall out of the shower, step out of the tub using the foot with the cut on it, and get blood all over my bathroom floor and the rug.

Finally, I get myself over to a dark Shaving creates murder scenetowel I threw on the floor; I stand on this while my ankle is bleeding all over the place. I also get a towel to wrap my greasy hair in (I never did finish rinsing my hair out).

As I’m really trying to get the mess under control (all I wanted was a flipping shower to make me feel better), I use the original towel I had in my hand to dry my body.

What I did not know is, while I was wrestling with this towel just a few minutes early, the bottom of the towel had rubbed against the cut, and had blood all over one side. As I wiped my body, I was wiping blood all over me, including my face, and because I was trying to remain on the dark towel due to my bleeding ankle, I didn’t know I looked like a victim in a murder scene until I stepped in front of the mirror to put lotion on and look for a band-aide.

At this point, my rug was bloody, my floor was bloody, and now my body was covered in streaks of blood. My left toe was hurting, so I was doing a little limp thing, and the towel on my head was falling off as if I had been running.

There I was trying to hold the bloody towel over my body until I can grab another one and hold the one on my head too. I finally drop the towel covering my body and let it fall to the floor, standing there naked as a Jay bird, this of course creates more bloody spots on the floor. I grabbed another towel and wrapped it around my body, but my body was still covered in streaks of blood.

Jason kills everyone

I swear, if anyone didn’t know better, they would have thought I just stepped off the set of one of the murder movies where women are caught in the shower and fight for their lives, like Bates Motel. I could have run out in the yard and it would have easily looked like I was being chased by Jason.

Sigh…. I took another shower, rinsed everything out of my hair, put a band-aide on my cut (I’ve nicknamed Old Faithful), and threw all the towels in a cold wash.

This all happened because I dared to shave my legs.

I’m finally sitting down in my recliner, resting after my ordeal.

I’m done today. I don’t know who allowed me to become an adult, but they grossly overestimated my abilities.

Until next time… Just be safe.

(seriously folks, keep me away from sharp objects, water, paper, and well, anything)

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