I’m back and I’m still not a queen. That doesn’t work for me at all.

Well, hell. I haven’t written here in a while.  What kind of shit is that? Complete shit, I say. Total and complete shit. I need to get better at this blogging thing. I promise I will try harder.

It isn’t like I’ve been sitting around doing nothing. I’ve actually been doing a lot. To my own detriment, I’ve been hidden away in my own little world and not shared those activities in written word.

I guess the big question is, what the hell have I been doing for so long? Well, I was a little depressed and blue. No worries. Not too depressed. Just enough depressed to keep my ego in check. It is the level of blueness which hits most people up-side-the-head and let’s them know they are not the king or queen of the world and they are strictly mere mortals. Mortals who must do mundane crap like pay bills, clean the house, go to Dr’s appts, and actually put on a bra before leaving the house (what a freaking pain that is).

During the “accepting I’m just a mere mortal” time in my life, I’ve been working on my home, writing a few more pages of my book (which for some damn reason I feel I’ll never finish), and painting a few things. Oh, and I ate a lot of cake. Come on, just because I’m not a queen, doesn’t mean my life cannot be filled with all the flavors and smells of wondrous cake in my home. If I must be just a mortal, I will still have cake (and pies in a pinch).

Between all the cake eating, bill paying, and house cleaning, I have been dealing with all my medical issues one at a time. Hello body! Why can’t you just be nice and not go nuts on me all at once? I’m not sure how anyone puts up with me. I’m not being self loathing, just honest. Seriously, I live in this body and sometimes I’m sick of being me.

If dealing with my medical issues weren’t enough, my computer crashed a few times. Oh yes! I wish to take all the evil hackers of the world, who know coding so well, they could save an entire village, but, instead they use their super powers to implant viruses into computers of unsuspecting people (like myself), and put them in a room full of spiders, roaches, or something that is really creepy crawly and gross.

What have I ever done to you? I’m only trying to have a little fun with the outside world and you sit behind your computer sending out ugly, nasty, viruses to destroy the little bit of fun people like me have. Since I’m not the type of person to wish too much harm on anyone, I am going to curse you with the greatest thing you deserve; lack of time. I hope you travel and bring home a nasty case of bed bugs, then I hope you, and your fellow hackers, share a wonderful case of scabies, and then, just a few months later, I hope your children bring home a nice case of lice from their school, to make you itch and itch. I hope to see you itching and itching so badly you don’t have time to send out anymore viruses. Good luck getting the bedbugs out of your carpet. I would pack up and move away if I were you. Please, turn to a life of gardening and cooking, not hacking and sending out malware. It would make life so much better.

After 3 weeks of fighting malware and silly little viruses, I spent time de-cluttering my home. De-cluttering is going to be a two year process. It’s not that I couldn’t just get it all done in one swoop, but, there are so many memories I have collected over my entire adult life (and the entire lives of my children), I want to make sure I get rid of things in an orderly fashion and not in an emotional fashion. I have over 28 years of stuff I need to address with the same methodical order as I do the rest of my life; manic and not so manic. I plan to move in a few years, so, going through each room and getting rid of stuff I don’t need will make the move much easier. Of course, normal people would just take a few weeks, get rid of everything, and start over, but, no! I can’t do things the easy way.

There are so many days when I wish I was normal. Really!! I wish I could wake up in the morning and know I was perfectly normal. No manic / depressive moments, no anxiety, no worrying, no self doubt, no pain from disease, no hording tendencies, no OCD tendencies, and certainly no ADD tendencies. I mean seriously, I could fill two or three lives with my entire alphabet of medical and mental issues. I could pass them out on the street corner for free. Hey you! Yeah! You! You want some ADD, with a side of PTSD? How about some anxiety sprinkled with some self-doubt? No? OK. No problem dude. How about some RA? Some FIBRO? Just a little IBS? Come on!! You know you want some of that good CFS! I have a little nausea and insomnia on the side. I promise, you buy one, and I’ll throw one in for free. Come back next week, I might have some new product for you. Don’t worry! I’ve got ICD10 labels to spare.

Well hell. The truth is, I can’t even give this shit away. It’s all mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. “I got some ice cream and you can’t have none” comes to mind. If you get the reference to that paraphrase, you’re showing your age. If you don’t get the reference, do not, under any circumstances look it up while at work, in church, or when children are around. Plus, keep in mind, you will need a very good twisted sense of humor to watch the entire reference. Might as well pull up a chair, because if you find you enjoy that kind of humor, you will be on You Tube for the next hour looking up the entire program related to the “ice cream story”.

As you look up the funny inappropriate bits, of an actor in his early years, I will get back to my story.

So, I need to de-clutter my home, get my brain in focus, while preparing for the holidays, talking to insurance folks for hours on end, while dealing with my daily medical issues, and fixing my home enough to convince the neighbors someone still lives here. No problem! I got this shit!! Dammit! Now, where are my servants? What? No servants! Fine! Pass me the cake. At least I can have cake.

Until next time….. Be safe, be kind, and always be happy.