The premise is you are watching a broken VHS movie, taped on another VHS, of a parody scary movie. — Great film by some wonderful people. There are so many humorous spots in the movie. The one liners are perfect. I would love to tell you more, but, I wish to wait for others to watch it first without spoilers. Props, photography, lighting, editing, and acting, all of this was so much fun to watch. The amount of time and details spent on this parody are some of the same levels you see in such spots on Twilight Zone. It reminds me of early film graphics (when film makers were using chocolate syrup for blood) which gives it an authentic feel. I highly enjoyed watching from beginning to end.

I loved The Addams Family when I was growing up. When other shows were portraying the wife as unintelligent, weak, and just a servant to the husband, Morticia was nothing like the TV wives. No matter how crazy her family life got, you did not pick on her family. She was intelligent, classy, sexy, hard working, loving, in charge, and was always looking out for the best for her family, and her husband loved her more than life itself. I always loved Morticia. She was the bad-ass woman I strive to be.

http://hellogiggles.com/relationship-goals-the-addams-family/

I read a blog recently (included at the bottom) and it made me think of a Simpson’s episode. The episode had no story line, no moral, no real ending. The summary of the ending was sometimes a bunch of stuff just happens in life, with absolutely no reason. I really liked that episode. It clicked with me. I agree, sometimes there is NO reason for stuff in life. It just happens.

Why have I been thinking of these things lately? Three of my friends have lost their sons in three separate accidents.  As far as I know, these three families don’t know each other, and yet, I know all three. I just can’t even imagine the pain they are feeling. The grief is enormous, and the only thing I can do is be a sounding board. As a person who like to fix things, I feel helpless not being able to fix this. I want to stamp my foot, scream to the heavens, and make this all go away for them. But, there is no rhyme or reason behind any of this, nothing, and then I realize, sometimes that’s the point.

Sometimes life just sucks, and there is no moral to the story. — The Simpson’s episode that covers this, says, sometimes just a bunch of good and bad stuff happened, and there was no moral at the end. That’s just life. — In my own opinion, crap this bad doesn’t happen for a reason. How can there be a reason for a parent to lose a child in a freak accident? How can people tell a parent that the Heavens needed a new angel more than we needed the child here? I have to step back, and remember, people are actually trying to help, and there is no malicious intent in their motive. In my mind, and there is a very good chance I am wrong, but, in my mind, it is the strong people who later create something better from devastation (or at least survive the devastation — which is hard enough on it’s on).

It is the human condition, the soul, and the drive to be better, which somehow finds connections in this world, to put together something really good from something terrible.

I kind-of like the idea that really bad things in life have no reason. Why? Because that makes the survival of those involved so much greater to accept. When you think life has a purpose, or everything has a reason, then we accept this idea we have no control over anything, and if you have a religion, you might be angry with the religious leaders, or the deity. Just think for a moment if many things in life did not have reason, or purpose, and most things just happened due to blind bad luck. Now, look around at all the survivors. Look at the leaders of the organizations. They picked themselves up, dusted themselves off, and yelled at fate, the world, and at their deity, “I am stronger than this, and my path is not to be weak or to cower to this blind luck. I call you out fate, and I raise you my life.” That is how I see survivors of grieve. As was mentioned in the blog below, grief comes in all forms. You could see and feel the grieve at both my parent’s funerals, you could see the grief on my face and hear it in my anger when I realized my ex had been cheating, I could see it on my children’s faces when they realized their father had left and we had to continue on without them, you see it on the face of people who have lost loved ones (especially children), and you even see it on the face of those who lose jobs, homes, and their health. We all grieve at some point in our lives, and it is painful. It isn’t just a little sad. It isn’t just the ‘blues”. It is ugly. It is screaming, crying, heart bursting, I can’t breath, and I pray for death right now, heart wrenching pain. Even those who grieve sightly, you can see it in their face. Their eyes are no longer naive to losing. Their hearts are breaking and they have no words. That is grief. You know grief when you see it. As you get older and experience pain and grief more and more, you learn to recognize the lines it creates on the faces of your friends and co-workers. They smile, but, you know. You know deep down, they have grieved.

It is those who come out the other side who take that pain with them and grow a garden of something new, something better, and something bigger than themselves. Not because the lose was for “a reason”, but, because those who saw hell in their hearts, new they had to make a reason out of the lose. I see those people, and I know it took every fiber of their souls to keep going, day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes moment by moment just to accept the pain as their own, and not let themselves be crushed under the weight.

Moms who lose children might join MADD, breast cancer survivors raise money and tell their stories, and people who find themselves sick, hurt, lost, or just starting over, somehow find the energy and the hope to carry on. They find the energy and the survival instincts to pick up from pure, life altering grieve, and say to themselves,  and to the world, “You can’t kill me because I’m not done yet.” So, anytime someone tells you, “Everything happens for a reason”, keep in mind they are probably just trying to be nice, and are uncomfortable with the situation, but, in your head, remember, you are the one who makes the life you want. You are the one to reach down and find strength and determination you didn’t even know existed, and you are the one to actually make something out of something terrible, not the other way around. You have 3 choices, not 2. You have the choice to give up, go forward, or continue to be stuck right where you are. Whatever you decide is good for you, is what those around you must accept. Your true friends will meet you at your spot in life, not force you down the path they expect you to take. On your path, be kind to yourself, cry a lot (even in private), hug yourself, and never apologize for venting and telling your stories to the people who want to listen. Tell those stories over and over and over, until they no longer are painful. The right people will listen as many times as you wish to tell the story.

As we all live our lives, finding the small victories in daily moments, I wish for all of you to find the strength and love to make it one more moment, one more hour, and one more day. We are all in this together. May you find peace today.

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason

This is the Doctor. Someone who much more than we are. Someone great and small at once. Someone who could run away from the chamois and the hate, yet he stays to help. Why? Because he is kind, loving, and because he is a 912 years old Time lord and he will save us! That is The Doctor!

 

The Doctor once had a family. A very long tome ago in the far future, he had a family. That family is gone now, but he has a new family. He has a very loving family, who he loves and they love him back. The stories of this family formed are wonderful. You love them from beginning to end, then from the end to the beginning. I can’t tell any spoilers. Never ever spoilers. I promise. The journey will be worth it.

 

Inside of me there’s a thin person trying to get out.

I can normally shut that bitch up with a piece of chocolate cake.

Well, hell. I haven’t written here in a while.  What kind of shit is that? Complete shit, I say. Total and complete shit. I need to get better at this blogging thing. I promise I will try harder.

It isn’t like I’ve been sitting around doing nothing. I’ve actually been doing a lot. To my own detriment, I’ve been hidden away in my own little world and not shared those activities in written word.

I guess the big question is, what the hell have I been doing for so long? Well, I was a little depressed and blue. No worries. Not too depressed. Just enough depressed to keep my ego in check. It is the level of blueness which hits most people up-side-the-head and let’s them know they are not the king or queen of the world and they are strictly mere mortals. Mortals who must do mundane crap like pay bills, clean the house, go to Dr’s appts, and actually put on a bra before leaving the house (what a freaking pain that is).

During the “accepting I’m just a mere mortal” time in my life, I’ve been working on my home, writing a few more pages of my book (which for some damn reason I feel I’ll never finish), and painting a few things. Oh, and I ate a lot of cake. Come on, just because I’m not a queen, doesn’t mean my life cannot be filled with all the flavors and smells of wondrous cake in my home. If I must be just a mortal, I will still have cake (and pies in a pinch).

Between all the cake eating, bill paying, and house cleaning, I have been dealing with all my medical issues one at a time. Hello body! Why can’t you just be nice and not go nuts on me all at once? I’m not sure how anyone puts up with me. I’m not being self loathing, just honest. Seriously, I live in this body and sometimes I’m sick of being me.

If dealing with my medical issues weren’t enough, my computer crashed a few times. Oh yes! I wish to take all the evil hackers of the world, who know coding so well, they could save an entire village, but, instead they use their super powers to implant viruses into computers of unsuspecting people (like myself), and put them in a room full of spiders, roaches, or something that is really creepy crawly and gross.

What have I ever done to you? I’m only trying to have a little fun with the outside world and you sit behind your computer sending out ugly, nasty, viruses to destroy the little bit of fun people like me have. Since I’m not the type of person to wish too much harm on anyone, I am going to curse you with the greatest thing you deserve; lack of time. I hope you travel and bring home a nasty case of bed bugs, then I hope you, and your fellow hackers, share a wonderful case of scabies, and then, just a few months later, I hope your children bring home a nice case of lice from their school, to make you itch and itch. I hope to see you itching and itching so badly you don’t have time to send out anymore viruses. Good luck getting the bedbugs out of your carpet. I would pack up and move away if I were you. Please, turn to a life of gardening and cooking, not hacking and sending out malware. It would make life so much better.

After 3 weeks of fighting malware and silly little viruses, I spent time de-cluttering my home. De-cluttering is going to be a two year process. It’s not that I couldn’t just get it all done in one swoop, but, there are so many memories I have collected over my entire adult life (and the entire lives of my children), I want to make sure I get rid of things in an orderly fashion and not in an emotional fashion. I have over 28 years of stuff I need to address with the same methodical order as I do the rest of my life; manic and not so manic. I plan to move in a few years, so, going through each room and getting rid of stuff I don’t need will make the move much easier. Of course, normal people would just take a few weeks, get rid of everything, and start over, but, no! I can’t do things the easy way.

There are so many days when I wish I was normal. Really!! I wish I could wake up in the morning and know I was perfectly normal. No manic / depressive moments, no anxiety, no worrying, no self doubt, no pain from disease, no hording tendencies, no OCD tendencies, and certainly no ADD tendencies. I mean seriously, I could fill two or three lives with my entire alphabet of medical and mental issues. I could pass them out on the street corner for free. Hey you! Yeah! You! You want some ADD, with a side of PTSD? How about some anxiety sprinkled with some self-doubt? No? OK. No problem dude. How about some RA? Some FIBRO? Just a little IBS? Come on!! You know you want some of that good CFS! I have a little nausea and insomnia on the side. I promise, you buy one, and I’ll throw one in for free. Come back next week, I might have some new product for you. Don’t worry! I’ve got ICD10 labels to spare.

Well hell. The truth is, I can’t even give this shit away. It’s all mine. Mine. Mine. Mine. “I got some ice cream and you can’t have none” comes to mind. If you get the reference to that paraphrase, you’re showing your age. If you don’t get the reference, do not, under any circumstances look it up while at work, in church, or when children are around. Plus, keep in mind, you will need a very good twisted sense of humor to watch the entire reference. Might as well pull up a chair, because if you find you enjoy that kind of humor, you will be on You Tube for the next hour looking up the entire program related to the “ice cream story”.

As you look up the funny inappropriate bits, of an actor in his early years, I will get back to my story.

So, I need to de-clutter my home, get my brain in focus, while preparing for the holidays, talking to insurance folks for hours on end, while dealing with my daily medical issues, and fixing my home enough to convince the neighbors someone still lives here. No problem! I got this shit!! Dammit! Now, where are my servants? What? No servants! Fine! Pass me the cake. At least I can have cake.

Until next time….. Be safe, be kind, and always be happy.