I finally woke up feeling half way decent today. Not as much pain as yesterday and my head is clearer. Let’s see how long this one holds. I might get some cleaning done today… or not. 🙂
RA and Fibro are the strangest animals (especially when combined with CFS).
Imagine waking up one day and you have the flu. You are achy, tired, feverish, sick, headaches, etc. Then, a few days later you wake up, and you can feel the flu “break.” You have a little energy, your mood is better, and your pain is a little lower. Each day after you feel a little better, and pray like hell you don’t go through that again anytime soon.
Well, RA is kind of like the flu, except, it comes back over and over. Not only that, but RA makes Fibro flare up really bad, and the only thing you wish to do is lay in bed with ice packs and heating pads, eating soup and crackers.
Ughh…. It sucks so bad because you never know when one of those down times are going to hit or how long it will last. The constant changing weather certainly doesn’t make it any better.
Putting together RA, Fibro, and CFS, is like getting the flu, after being run over by a truck, beat by a baseball bat, dropped from a bridge, and being forced to stay up for 72 hours, all while on fire, then being forced to participate in life with a smile on your face…… while on fire.
I’m not sure who has my VOODOO doll, but I swear whatever I did to piss you off, you can stop poking me now, and stop it with the fire already! DAMMIT… while you are pulling at my hair, at least take the time to scratch my back…. yea… a little to the left…. oh yea baby, Right there!
As always… Be safe, be kind, and always be happy!
Today has been shit. Just shit. I spent two days going like crazy, then I spent two days with my brain screaming out in pain. Of course, I don’t scream. If I screamed the way I felt, someone would lock me away in a shiny new room, with pretty white walls. So, I write.
My writing might be crap on days like this, but mostly I’m able to pull together a few sentences which adhere to the English language. It’s always a struggle. I want to write coherently, but it’s either I’m sleepy from medications or in pain because I did not take the medications on time. That balance always leaves me frustrated and pissed off.
Hello, Fate! This was not the future I planned for, and it sure wasn’t the body I wanted. I want an exchange.
One of the fun things I really do enjoy is looking at art. I’ve always admired how other humans can put together colors in what seems like random spots, yet, in the end it turns out so perfectly.
Two of my favorite artists are Van Gogh and Frida Kahlo. They inspire me when I feel my worst. I have to remember, even when they felt nothing but pain, agony, and shame, they produced great works of art, which are breath taking. I may never be a Van Gogh or a Frida, but I can admire their work and draw inspiration from their stories and their work.
Just for the record, I feel like this today……
There is pain, then there is PAIN! The constant change of the weather is pulling and pushing my inner body in ways which feel like some mid-evil torture chamber. Sometimes I think if there were no weather changes, I could face the constant drum of pain, then I remember, there is no place without weather changes, and this is going to be my life, day in and day out.
So, I go to sleep. In my dreams I hope and pray the weather does become nicer in time. I can only hope my pain decreases from this scream to a manageable roar.
Until then, I will somehow put words together in coherent sentences, and call it writing. Maybe Frida and Vincent would be proud.
Until next time….. Be safe, be kind, and always be happy.
I really need this in my life before the end of 2015. The top two are my favs!
I adore color. My life has been colorless for far too many years. I need color again. Instead of blending in, I need to stand out and shine. I need to step away from the shadows and be free to be who I am.
I have run on autopilot for so many years, I lost who I was. Please understand, I am, and I was, very happy as a Mom and a Soldier, but, there are deep sacrifices each Mom must make to do both of those very well. This is especially true for those of us who have free spirits, which need to be caged to succeed at certain things in life.
It is frightening to know I gave up so much of myself to do what I needed to do, to be a successful mom and Soldier. When I finally retired from the military and the kids were grown, I discovered I was only a shell of who I was. Now, I need to reach deep and pull the old me up from the depths of darkness and grey. I need to discover the color of her spirit and let it shine.
If you have anyone in your family who is sick with any severe condition, please, watch this video.
No matter what your views are on the recreational use of marijuana, the use of medical marijuana can no longer be ignored. People, including children, are being saved daily with the use of medical marijuana. This is happening all over the world and is finally being allowed in the US.
88,000 people die every year from alcohol alone (that doesn’t include the domestic abuse injuries and deaths alcohol causes), 16,007 people died from OPIOD overdoses in 2012 alone, yet, Marijuana, when used alone, killed ZERO people, EVER. Let’s stop lying to ourselves, we were duped into believing that marijuana was worse than alcohol, or even tobacco.
There have been cases when children have accidently ingested their parents marijuana. What happened? Nothing. They went to the ER and had a bad trip. Was it a scary situation? You bet. They need an IV for dehydration, and some serious amounts of snacks after coming down, but, all in all, they were fine. What happened when children ingested too much alcohol? There have been cases when children have actually died from too much alcohol. This includes college students and teens who have died from alcohol poisoning. Yet, alcohol is everywhere and easily accessible, and marijuana, even medical marijuana is made to look like it comes from the devil himself.
I am not saying marijuana is safe. It is not. It is a drug. Just like all drugs, it should be respected, but, if we are going to allow something as dangerous as alcohol to be made in our father’s bathtubs, or to be kept on the kitchen counter, please don’t be a hypocrite and fight against something like medical marijuana, which could actually save lives.
The FDA and the US GOV is finally studying it, but, Israel has been studying medical marijuana, and using it for their patients, for many, many years.
Medical Marijuana does help with PTSD, Severe Pain, MS, RA, Fibromyalgia, Epilepsy, Depression, Wasting Diseases, Diabetes, Cancer, and Alzheimer’s, and many more issues can be helped with medical marijuana.
For my entire life (44 years) I was against all illegal drugs. There was nothing good about anything that was illegal. In some sense I was right. In all cases, there is no reason to let any drug, alcohol, marijuana, or any other drug, to ruin your life. I still believe that. If you allow anything to stop you from becoming a productive member of society or taking care of your family, then you need to readdress what you are doing, and find a new way. You can’t break the law just because you think it is unfair. If your job does not allow medical marijuana, or even cigarettes, you either need to stop doing those things, or make the decision to move states. You need to be a truly productive member of society and care for yourself and your family first. YOu can either move for medical help or work to change the laws where you live, but, I digress.
When I was younger I was strictly against all illegal substances, and I believed everything I saw on TV. There was no medical value in illegal drugs. Then in 2011, I got hurt in Iraq and about the same time, I also became very sick. The military opened my eyes to how much control medical professionals have over pain meds and your body. You become a slave to pain meds, which means you become a slave to the medical machine and the medical machine are slaves to politicians and the random laws. I am not even referring to something as serious as addiction. I am just referring to the relationship between a patient and a doctor. If a patient does or says anything that displeases the doctor, or if the doctor has a bad day, that patient’s entire medical case can be changed at the drop of a hat. It doesn’t even stop at the doctor. The politicians, the FDA, the ADA, even KOCH brothers have their hands in everything that deals with your medications and what is prescribed or approved at any one time. Once a patients becomes sick, the hard truth is, the prescriptions which are allowed or approved by the FDA are all controlled by money. Plain and simple money.
At any time, a politician can be bought or sold by the Koch brothers, or any other big super pac backer, and very quickly my pain medications can be changed and outlawed and I have zero control in how my medicine is handled at the federal and state level. Worse, if my medical provider decides for a personal reason, not a medical reason, to stop prescribing medications, then I have to find a new doctor, or suffer withdrawals and suffer excruciating pain, which is exactly what happened to me. No warning. No help. No titrating down. One day my medical provider decided he wasn’t going to provide narcotics anymore and that was that. His patients had to suffer or find new doctors, which is never an easy process.
As a chronic pain patient, which true severe pain conditions, my entire life is controlled at the politician and medical provider level. When my own medical provider decided to select his own life over mine, I knew then I had to fight for my own well being. That is when I started researching natural pain medications. I found that medical marijuana had been used for thousands of years for joint related pain diseases, such as RA and gout, or other pain disorders. Even now, the US owns a Patent on Medical Marijuana for their own researchers to do tests on the plants. They even have their own fields where they grow only the best plants to test on (which is shown in the video) . — This leads me to believe they know it will work for the listed medical issues (again shown in the video) . I do not like my life being controlled by politicians and big money. I don’t think a patient should be a slave to big pharmaceutical companies, to politicians, and then to the whims and personal agendas of medical providers. A patient has the right to live in dignity. Now, I am a huge supporter of medical marijuana and I fight everyday to change the laws so every patient, in every state, has the same rights to live in dignity and even die with dignity, and less pain.